Sharing their grief and strength

Families grieving the deaths of children, regardless of cause or age, have an outlet in the Compassionate Friends support group.

This national nonprofit, self-help organization brings together bereaved parents, as well as grandparents and siblings, to help each other through the loss of a child.

"We all have different circumstances," said Watertown chapter leader Jonathan M. Adams, "but we're all still dealing with the worst loss that can happen to a parent."

Relatives and friends, he said, are often not capable of providing necessary support for grieving parents. The shared experience of grief forges the link between group members that might be absent among family and friends.

"If they haven't lost a child, they don't understand what you're going through completely," said Donna S. Barber, chapter treasurer.

The group leads discussion-based meetings, sometimes picking a topic or watching a movie, but usually just allowing a discussion to run its own course.

Many newly bereaved parents, said Mr. Adams, will come to meetings for several months without uttering a word. Just attending the meetings helps them to grow to the point where they can open up to the group.

After the death of his daughter due to arteriovenous malformation, Mr. Adams did not speak at meetings until he had been attending for about a year.

"Everyone will speak who wants to, but you don't have to if you don't want to," he said.

Compassionate Friends has no religious affiliation and neither discourages nor encourages members to speak about their faith. It does not collect membership dues or fees.

The organization began in 1969 in Coventry, England, when the Rev. Simon Stephens brought together the Hendersons and the Lawleys after each couple had lost a son. Iris and Joe Lawley continued to meet with Bill and Joan Henderson regularly, and the Rev. Mr. Stephens encouraged them to invite other parents.

From there, the group grew to include hundreds of chapters in more than a dozen countries.

The local chapter participates in semi-annual ceremonies for anyone who grieves the loss of a loved one. On the second Sunday of December, the Watertown chapter joins chapters in more than 20 countries for a worldwide lighting of candles.

The Watertown chapter of Compassionate Friends hosted a healing balloon release this year on June 24. Participants wrote messages to lost loved ones on balloons that were then released.

Compassionate Friends will hold a national conference July 18 to 20 in Nashville, Tenn. The highlight will be the ninth annual Walk to Remember. Hundreds of participants will don shirts bearing the names of children and walk in remembrance.

All such events, as well as group meetings, are open to anyone who has lost a loved one. The group focuses on parents who have lost children, but also welcomes grandparents, siblings and friends. Participants may grieve the deaths of children of all ages from any cause.

The Compassionate Friends welcomes people no matter how long ago a child died. The group believes that, with help, grief can be eased, but it also recognizes that most people do not "get over" a loved one's death.

"When your child dies, it never goes away, but you do progress," said Mr. Adams. "The wound heals, but the scar is always there."