REVIEW: 12 Rounds (2009)

12 Rounds

Rated: PG-13

Runtime: 108 minutes

Starring: John Cena, Aidan Gillen.

My rating: 2 stars

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You know when you’re driving on the highway during a long trip and you have, say, 12 exits remaining, so you start counting them down in your head? That’s exactly what this movie feels like.

I was so bored I even started seeing how many different state license plates I could find. No, not really, but I did start counting down the number of rounds left.

World Wrestling Entertainment superstar John Cena stars in 12 Rounds, a steroid-filled romp through Katrina-ravaged New Orleans.

Do you remember when Dwayne Johnson starred in Walking Tall? That movie succeeded because there was a story, and Johnson has decent acting ability.

12 Rounds is the complete opposite. Cena better not quit his day job.

He would be tolerable if this movie didn’t have a painfully monotonous plot.

Danny Fisher (Cena) is chasing fugitive Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) at the start of the film. He stops Jackson at gunpoint, but Jackson’s girlfriend attempts to run. She sprints right in front of an oncoming car, which kills her immediately. Jackson goes to prison for his crime and escapes after a year. He kidnaps Fisher’s girlfriend, Molly (Ashley Scott), and says that Fisher took what was most important to him, so now he has to take what’s most important to Fisher. Fair enough.

But Jackson wants to play a game. He sets up 12 rounds (yes, like a prize fight to appease the wrestling fans) of challenges which Fisher must win to keep his girlfriend alive. Each round concludes and begins with a bell, in case those wrestling fans didn’t get that in the title.

That took a good 30 minutes of the film. So for the next 78 minutes, it’s the same formula: Challenge, chase scene, challenge, chase scene with explosion, challenge, chase scene with muscles, challenge, followed by an elaborate chase scene with explosions. Bored yet?

Cena’s overacting should be expected from his wrestling background. He tries too hard to sell the character instead of exploring it. He’s a robot on camera, saying, “I love Molly. Must get back.” Yawn.

On it went though, with the low-budget effects (mostly explosions) and the typical clichés associated with the action genre. Renny Harlin’s direction is mediocre and seemed to take the “shaky camera” approach a bit too far. It was hard to tell what was actually happening during many of the 12 chase scenes.

Also the lighting was laughable, especially near the end. Fisher has to cut the power to a runaway trolley to save its passengers. It’s in mid-afternoon, and when he cuts the power, all the lights in the city go out and it’s suddenly dark in the sky for a moment. Harlin cuts back to Fisher, standing in broad daylight, gasping for air.

It was hard to care about any character. None of them was particularly interesting or believable. The character development was amiss, especially with the villain. We’re told he’s a mass murderer who sold weapons in the Middle East that were later used to kill Americans. I think that’s what he did, although I may have misunderstood.

Aside from that passing nugget, we don’t know anything else about him other than we are supposed to hate him. I really didn’t. He actually seemed highly intelligent with a few flaws. He didn’t give off evil vibes, just severely irritated ones.

Cena’s expression doesn’t change from beginning to end. At any moment, he is a strong-jawed statue. Nothing says “embrace me audience” like emotional disconnect.

That’s about what the audience feels, on top of the overwhelming boredom. You’ll stare, zone-out, yawn, fidget, check the time, and probably go get more popcorn just to stretch your legs.

12 Rounds is not deep, not fun, not new, not exciting, and would have been better released in mid-July. At least then, you could use the excuse, “It got me out of the heat for a couple hours.” But in late-March, it’s a snoozer. Two stars.

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