REVIEW: Final Destination (2009) HALF A STAR

Final Destination

Rated: R

Runtime: 82 minutes

Starring: Bobby Campo.

My rating: 1/2 stars

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I can see that the makers of The Final Destination are still fascinated with this whole 3-D thing. I saw a metal stake go through a guy’s chest, a wooden stake go through a different guy’s head and a staple gun shoot nails through yet another guy’s head. All the killer projectiles were, of course, strategically directed straight at the camera for those oh-so-original 3-D gags.

That’s the sole reason The Final Destination was made, period. Our local readers know that the nearest 3-D capable theater is in Syracuse, a full hour-long drive. I would not drive three minutes to see The Final Destination, 3-D or otherwise.

But for those contemplating seeing it in three dimensions, I offer you this warning: It is the second worst piece of crap I’ve seen this year.

To top it off, its runtime is, get this, 82 minutes – 10 of which are the end credits. So if you want to drive 66 miles of boring highway between Watertown and Syracuse to see a dumbass movie that lasts only 72 minutes of color action just to experience 3-D, then I say to you: Get out more.

Remember that movie nine years ago about a guy who gets a premonition where all his friends die on a plane, and he saves them, but death continues to follow, so he has to help them avoid death so they can all live? Remember how that was actually a feature-length 90 minutes? Remember how it was original and interesting at the time? Remember how it wasn’t a piece of crap? Remember when directors weren’t drunk on 3-D technology? I do, too.

Don’t go see this; it’s not worth your time, not even for 3-D. It’s not even worth me writing anymore about it. ½ star because it’s still better than Miss March.

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Where it's playing:

Canton/PotsdamSHOWTIMES

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