NEWS FEEDS
Hook Me Up to the IV - Death by 1,000 Films - Week 4
Death by 1,000 Films
There's a time when a man needs to fight and a time when he needs to accept that his destiny's lost, the ship has sailed and that only a fool will continue. The truth is I've always been a fool.
I woke up Monday morning, unable to breathe through my nose and with a sore throat so bad I couldn't eat or drink anything but water. It was bitter sweet.
Bitter because I was sick with a brutal cold. Sweet because all I could do – and wanted to do – was watch movies.
I didn't know that would entail scaring the disease from my body. But that's about what happened when I watched Alien and Aliens back-to-back.
As I blew my nose and looked at the alien creature I thought about when I was abducted.
Really, I was... or maybe it was a dream.
Here's how it went:
I woke in a cold sweat, sitting on top of my bed at 3 a.m. My shirt was crumpled on the floor across the room. What happened?
And no, I hadn't just killed Professor Plum with the candlestick in the library. But good guess.
The last thing I remembered was going to bed, under the covers. I was not particularly tired, but I laid there staring at the ceiling until I apparently fell asleep.
A blinding light shined from outside my bedroom window. I noticed it, but didn't get up to investigate. It didn't matter.
In a flash, my bedroom was overcome with this light. I blinked and I was gone from the room, lying on a table staring at silhouetted figures hovering above me.
I remember nothing after it. I could not make out any details of the figures. All I knew was that I was shirtless, on top of my covers, sitting up. You tell me what happened? Dream or alien abduction.
That's what I thought about as a creature tore through the chest of a man on screen. I thought about it as Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) stalked the alien while trying to save a cat. PETA would be proud.
Then I put in Aliens and it was more of the same, except this time I was coughing and sneezing through the whole thing, thinking, of course, that some alien was inside my chest. No, it was just phlegm. Yummy.
As my illness progressed into critical stages, I thought maybe a doctor's visit was necessary. Instead, I chose two bottles of DayQuil.
So wrapped in my blanket, near death, I played All About Eve and watched one of Marilyn Monroe's first screen appearances. The film itself was excellent, about an aging Broadway star and a crazed-for-fame fan and understudy overtaking the theater through blackmail and betrayal. It was wonderful.
But it still wasn't a 5-star film, and the fact I hadn't watched a 5-star movie began to bother me. I mean, I was nearly 20 films in and nothing totally blew me away. I began thinking that was what I would write about. Why give my death-threatening acute viral rhinopharyngitis center stage?
I thought about this even more as the soap-opera-like All That Heaven Allows played. Talk about a pathetic movie, about which my book said “... the relic of a specifically mid-20th-century genre that degenerated into television soap opera.” I argue this film was already there, no degeneration needed. Two stars.
Two stars? Damn. It was getting worse, and so was my cold. And I thought the 1,000 films would kill me. It could be that I'm coughing up more fluid than I'm intaking. Too much information there, and I'm sorry.
Anyway, two movies were left this week: All that Jazz and All the President's Men. I did not watch either. Remember, I did say I would watch in alphabetical order-ish.
Amadeus was the choice. The other two I'll get to next week.
Oh, Amadeus. I had no intentions of watching thee. But I put a straw into my DayQuil cup, kicked up the footrest of my recliner, and said, “It's 11 p.m. You're three hours long, and I'll probably fall asleep watching you, but I'll give you a chance to make an impression.”
F. Murray Abraham is a revelation. He overwhelmed the screen as an old man, bitter at God about how his life turned out. I was immediately hooked.
When it was over, I couldn't sleep. It was 2 a.m. and I was excited. I wanted to see more, hear more of this old man's story, even though there was nothing more to tell. I wanted to hear more of Mozart's “Requiem Mass,” more of the music, the opera, the symphony. It is a timeless film.
I thought, “This had to have killed at the Oscars.” It did. It won eight, sweeping the major categories and it had TWO Best Actor in the Leading Role nominations. How many films can say that?
I watched the one-hour “Making of Amadeus” piece. I looked up who Antonio Salieri was and his real connection to Mozart. I read until 4 a.m. when bed finally called. What a movie. Five stars, finally.
As for my illness, staying up until 4 a.m. was a mistake. I went to work looking and feeling worse than the day before, DayQuil bottle No. 2 nearly empty.
I'm still sick, but it was a good week... and I'm not dead yet.
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THE MOVIES
Alien. Rated: R. Year: 1979. My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: Somehow I never saw this movie, although I have watched the famous scene. It's an excellent science-fiction films with a truly disturbing alien creature. Most of the time, the actual alien isn't scary at all. That is not the case here.
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Aliens. Rated: R. Year: 1986. My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: Much like the first, this film is thrilling and terrifying. I enjoyed it immensely, although not quite as good as the first, but still a 4-star film.
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All About Eve. Rated: UR. Year: 1950. My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: One of Marilyn Monroe's first roles, albeit a small one. It was interesting to see her on screen as a 24-year-old girl. It was a really good movie with lots of twists and a good commentary on what fame can do to a person.
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All That Heaven Allows. Rated: UR. Year: 1955. My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: An over-the-top love story with an original MILF... or cougar... or whatever the kids call an older woman going after a young guy these days. The acting is operatic and pathetic. I vomited four times over the lovey-dovey, Eskimo-kissing nonsense. It has about as much real heart as a rock thrown through a window.
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All Quiet on the Western Front (Already watched). Rated: UR. Year: 1930. My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: Overall, very boring. I watched this about a year ago and hated every moment of this “original war epic.” It was the third film to win Best Picture. Watch it if you want for historical context, but with the huge explosions and fast-paced action of war films today, it seems rather dull.
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Amadeus. Rated: PG. Year: 1984. My Rating: 5 out of 5 stars. A brief thought: Just watch this movie. Immediately among my favorites of all-time. It's beautifully shot, vivid colors, and of course that soundtrack of all Mozart operas and symphonies. It's marvelous and breathtaking. Three hours never went by so quickly.
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