REVIEW: Pandorum (2009)
Pandorum
Rated: R
Runtime: 120 minutes
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster
My rating: 2.5 stars
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If you like the science-fiction genre you will enjoy this movie. If you are unfamiliar with it, Pandorum will not make you a fan.
Sci-fi buffs – and just general movie fans – will notice how the storyline is oddly similar to a much more famous, much more well-known movie. Here are the clues:
The film is set far in the future (2174-ish). There is a spaceship carrying American crewmembers searching for a habitable planet. Something has gone wrong.
Crewmember Capt. Bower (Ben Foster) wakes up from hypersleep disoriented and not knowing who, where or what happened to the rest of the crew. Lieutenant Payton (Dennis Quiad) wakes up and suffers the same disorientation.
They are trapped in a room – what room, I do not know. Bower crawls through a vent to explore the rest of the massive ship. He encounters an alien-like thing that wants to eat him, avoids it, and then finds other human survivors from different missions.
If you said, “This sounds a lot like Alien,” you would be right. Alien is better.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I can tell you that Pandorum isn’t an entire waste of time. I thought it was actually fairly decent, for a knock-off.
When I was a kid, I went to Washington DC and bought Oakley sunglasses for about $25. Genuine Oakleys are not $25. I knew this, but said that Oakleys are the pinnacle of sporty sunglasses, so a knock-off Oakley is passable and worth the $25 price.
That’s how I feel about Pandorum. Alien was the best, this is its stepchild.
There are long, dark corridors filled with things that go boo. They’re zombie-like creatures who move much faster than actual zombies. They feed on humans, or infect them, I’m not quite sure. There is a big surprise involving them, and a secret Payton keeps for some unknown reason.
And that’s where the film either soars or flops. People who love it will say the ending is spectacular. They, I’m afraid, are not critical thinkers.
People who say Payton’s decision at the end didn’t make sense are critical thinkers. That’s me.
Then people in Group A will cry to me, “It’s just his pandorum acting up.”
I don’t buy it. It’s too stupid. Pandorum is explained as a disease that infects people and turns them crazy and irrational. People who are afflicted with pandorum and also have power are very dangerous.
I think pandorum is really writer Travis Milloy's excuse to explain Payton and his choice at the end of the film.
It’s hard for me to recommend or not recommend this movie, and I go back to the start. If you like sci-fi, this one’s for you. If you don’t or haven’t been interested in the genre, move along. Pandorum offers a few scares and thrills, but doesn’t come close to the movie it tried to be.
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Where it's playing:
Canton/PotsdamSHOWTIMES
Watertown SHOWTIMES
